I am Crying...

9PM
I am crying while I am writing now...
Today I was told that school will send someone that I don't like to stay in the extra bed in my dorm in 2 days. I have been enjoying staying alone for a long time in this tiny dorm. The news makes me extremely upset all the afternoon.
But this news doesn't strong enough to make me crying. I really don't know why I am crying now...
I am reminding my memories of my travels during this summer break. I wore my I love China T-shit passing the Tibetan protesters in Nepal. They stared at me and threatened me but I Never Never cry or even I was Never sacred. But why am I crying now?
In Indian embassy in Kathmandu, I was trying to get help from their top visa official while he doesn't like Chinese people at all. He told me, transit visa is issued to all the nationals except Chinese national. Faced the discrimination I did NOT cry. But why am I crying now?
On my way to China I didn't take shower for 3d because no clean water in suburb area. And when I was on the cheapest local bus the local people treated me as the poorest Nepalese. They talked to me in despise. And because of the landslide I had to get off the bus and I walked on the mud for 20min with my heavy bad. At that then I did NOT cry. But why am I crying now?
I am crying... because I refused to buy just a small bag of milk for a poor Nepalese kid who showed me my direction. I am sorry.
I am crying because I doubted my host or my good friend Arjun. He treated me me so well when I stayed in his house. But I was wondering he was supposed to get money from me. I am shamed on myself. I have to say I am very very sorry to my good friend Arjun.
I am crying because I heard a 3 years old kid said that all the races should live in peace and a Tibetan guy helped carry my big bag for 30min for free when we had to climb the hill to pass the landslide. But I teased Nepalese and Tibetan people just because they look different from me.
I am crying because I complained that the government's slow efficiency on rebuilding the roads to the famous scenic spots after the earthquake. Without the roads I just can't reach there but for the people who live there... They lost their homes!
I am crying because I just thought whether I should rent an apartment just in order to live alone. But for the victims in the earthquake they can't even find an average place to stay.
I am crying because my original purpose to live alone is to find a quiet place to study French by myself. But most of my spare is wasting on watching movies and chatting online.
I am crying because I told my friends I will never go to Nepal again just because it is so poor.
My crying stops now...
I regretted what I did, what I said and what I thought. I am very very sorry... I am crying now again...
I betray my conscience..

10:55PM update:
I promise I will definitely go back to Nepal to say sorry to these people.
I promise I will never betray or cheat anyone.
I promise I will try my best to help people who need help.
I promise I will take at least 1h to do self-study every day.
I will keep my healthy life without alcohol and MSG as Ivan and Karen do.

Oct 10 Update:
The guy stays in another room. So i still live alone in that tiny dorm.